HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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