I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
