He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
