1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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