imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
