I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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