We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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