I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
