The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
