i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
