You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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