I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
