Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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