Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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