I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
