you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
