I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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