hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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