im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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