I just gift wrapped bread.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
