your thong is hanging out like whoa
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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