im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
