Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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