6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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