Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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