She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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