i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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