Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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