I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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