It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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