Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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