I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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