you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
