I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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