Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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