fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
