is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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