He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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