i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Holy shit dude........stairs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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