the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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