Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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