plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
