You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
