My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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