I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
