Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
