Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
