so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
