dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
