Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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