My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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