Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
