I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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