I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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