forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
