just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
