im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
