Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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