Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
