we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
