Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
