i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
