My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
