I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
