So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
