Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
