i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
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If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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