Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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