dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
either way he was missing a nipple.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
