Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
