you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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