just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
