my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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