Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
