I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
