I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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