I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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