carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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