My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
porn star boner night. come get it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
