she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
