Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
